I am a strong in-charge type German Shepard, and my job is to guard my home and my family. Which, unfortunately, includes a cat. Even worse, the cat lives inside – she isn’t even a proper outside cat! However, secretly, when my family is gone I find myself playing with the cat’s toys, I especially like the mouse on the fishing pole, and the stuffed cheese that squeaks. I try to hide my fetish, but yesterday the cat caught me. Now, every time we cross paths, she laughs and smirks at me. I didn’t much like her before, but now I REALLY can’t stand her. What can I do to straighten her out?
Please don’t tell anyone,
Not a Cat Fan
Dear Not a Cat Fan:
Well that is quite the predicament. Short of re-locating the cat, you are just going to have to erase that memory out of her head. Lucky for you cats are easy to hypnotize. Here’s what you do: When everyone is gone, slyly stalk the cat. As soon as you find her napping (which, let’s face it, that ‘s pretty much all that cats do) go get the mouse on the fishing pole (your favorite). With the fishing pole in hand, quietly walk right up to cat and dangle the mouse in front of her eyes, being careful not to startle her. As she opens her eyes, hold the pole steady and sway the mouse right and left, catching her gaze with each move. Then, as she follows the mouse with her eyes, you repeat over and over “the dog does not play with cat toys, the dog does not play with cat toys”. After about 10 minutes of repetition, bark to wake her up and then walk quietly away from her. Viola! The cat will have no memory of you playing with the cat toys. Note to self: next time you play with the cat toys, make sure she is nowhere in sight.