quilledDear Taffy:

I am a very handsome Lab/Saint Bernard/Golden Retriever who has a little embarrassing issue. I am known as wanderer in our family – I’m talking epic backcountry treks. I can hold my own except for one thing: stupid porcupines and their quills! They really put a damper in my back country adventures. Every time I am on the verge of discovering something, THEY show up. Before I can give them a solid right hook, I have quills sticking out of my face and I have to go home to my Mom and Dad. Very embarrassing. And painful. But I act like it doesn’t hurt so Mom and Dad won’t stop me from trekking.

What can I do about those porcupines?



Dear Quilled:

porcupineOuch! Here is what I suggest – bait the porcupines. For several treks, go to the same spot or area where you have been quilled. It is well known that Porcupines love to chew on wood – any type of wood. Find a stack of large sticks and make a pile. Then, very near the pile of sticks, hide a pillow case (that you “borrow” from you house) and prop it open with a stick. Then hide behind a tree. Once the porcupine slinks near the sticks and starts chewing, come from behind quickly and stealthily, scare him and herd him into the pillow case. The stick will fall and BOOM: he is in the pillow case. No more quills. Then, once you move on, he will find his way out of the pillow case and go tell all the other porcupines in the vicinity to steer clear of you. Problem solved. Should you need lessons on herding please feel free to contact me again, recalling that I am a Border Collie, necessarily a herding expert.


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