My name is Bernie, and I am a Golden Retriever adopted by my parents. My full given name is Opal Bernadette Francine Bacon Coleman-Nielson. Why they chose Bernie from all of that, I’ll never know. Little do they know I am a actually a Spanish speaking dog named Mika…In any event, I am writing you because I think my Mom and Dad sleep too long in the morning. I mean, they waste half the day already! What’s even worse is that they pretend to be asleep in the morning when I lick them or look at them. I actually see them open one eye, look at me, and THEN STILL pretend to be sleeping. I am not dumb. I don’t know what the problem is – I mean 3:45 is a great time to start the day! Instead, they kick me out of the bed and make me sleep in my own bed, which is just not fun. Can you help me make them understand they waste their day?
Ready to Roll in the a.m., Bernie
Dear Ready to Roll,
Let me see if I understand correctly. You get to sleep with your Mom and Dad. In their bed. You get up at 3:45 a.m., every day, and every day you get booted out the bed because it is too early. Clearly, 3:45 a.m. is an obnoxious hour to wake up, especially in the winter when it is pitch black. This is why I am a Border Collie writing this column…if you want to stay in bed with your Mom and Dad, then DON’T GET UP AT 3:45 a.m.! If you have to get up that early (God knows why) then get off the bed and lay somewhere else. It’s not rocket science friend. Go back to sleep!